Relationship Coach Newsletter #123
The Marriage and Long-Term Relationship Quiz

How strong and long-term is your long-term relationship? Test your capacity for longevity and lasting love as a couple by taking this quiz together.

This is far more than a simple quiz. You can use the areas in which you find weakness in your relationship as points to work on with your partner, ensuring more happiness for more years together.

If you want help working through the quiz or want to delve deeper into each section of the quiz, I am writing detailed articles on each quiz section in the RCN Plus, a premium version of this newsletter. To subscribe, click here.

Directions:
Print out this week's sections of the quiz and take them somewhere you can be undisturbed.

Complete the sections by placing a checkmark next to each statement you agree with. Score the sections by giving yourself one point for each checkmark. Record your score for the week and keep it on hand.

At the end of four weeks -- at which point you will have received all 10 sections of the quiz -- combine your scores and read the quiz score interpretation.

If you are in a relationship, ask your partner to do the same, then get back together and compare your scores. Use your answers and your scores as a springboard for discussion.

Use this quiz as an opportunity to deepen your understanding of yourself, or if you are in a relationship, of yourself and your partner. Use your unmarked/disagree statements as points to work on.

The Marriage (and long-term relationship) Quiz
Will You Live Happily Ever After?

Section 1: How You Look at Relationships
1. Conflict between partners is no time to pack up and leave
2. Conflict between partners does not mean you picked the wrong partner
3. Conflict between partners is not a reflection of whether or not you are with your soulmate
4. Unrelenting conflict means your need to get outside help
5. Physical and emotional abuse is not a normal part of couple conflict
6. Conflict between partners is an opportunity to create more depth and intimacy
7. The best way to deal with conflict is not to wait until it blows over
8. The best way to deal with conflict is not to have a knock down, drag out everything fight
9. The best way to deal with conflict is not to stonewall your partner when an issue is being brought up
10. The best way to deal with conflict is to have a reasonably calm discussion, making sure to stay on topic
____ YOUR SCORE FOR SECTION 1

Section 2: How You Deal with Your Negative Feelings

1. I don't hide my negative feelings from myself
2. I don't save up feelings, even when they seem minor, because then I would blow up when I got full
3. I voice my feelings even when I am afraid of scaring away my partner
4. I try to discuss feelings when they come up
5. When something goes wrong, I can control my anger
6. I don't take my partner's actions personally. Yes, I am affected, but bad things are not being done to me on purpose
7. I work on seeing each incident clearly, as possibly related to, but separate from the past. Situations can turn out differently
8. When we argue, I never hit below the belt -- I never purposefully say hurtful words
9. I have a right to my feelings and never have to justify how I feel
10. I have a responsibility to not use my feelings as weapons against my partner
____ YOUR SCORE FOR SECTION 2

Section 3: Being Your Own Person

1. I love myself and could never give myself up completely for another
2. I am noticing parts of myself I surrendered to the relationship and reclaiming them
3. I have not given up my passion to be in the relationship
4. I have not given my friends to be in the relationship
5. I have not given my finances and financial security to be in the relationship
6. I have not given up my self care while in the relationship
7. I have not given up my spirituality while in the relationship
8. I have not been asked to give up on things, activities, dreams and hopes important to me
9. I have not given up on my self, my self esteem, my dignity while in the relationship
10. I have gained as a person from the relationship -- more interests, vitality, more richness, more life, etc.
____ YOUR SCORE FOR SECTION 3

____ YOUR SCORE FOR THE FIRST THREE SECTIONS