Relationship Coach Newsletter #94
Principles of Being a Love Magnet, Part 3

"Love Magnet:" A single person able to attract the right partner effortlessly; a person in a relationship who is able to attract his or her partner's love and affection effortlessly.

Attracting and getting love does not have to be a struggle. Really. You can become the kind of person with the kind of light, an aura, that draws love to you. The more light you have, the more easily love comes to you.

I've compiled a list of the principles of being a love magnet, and have so far shared the first 20 with you. To see them again, go here for the first 10, and here for the second 10.

Here are the final 10 principles of being a love magnet, followed by some principles submitted by our readers over the past few weeks. By embodying these, becoming these, you will be able to attract and keep the love you want.

21. Ask for what you want.
Ask for what you want, again and again and again, in every area of your life. Every time you ask for what you want you give yourself and others the message that you are valuable and worth caring for. If you don't already, by doing this you will begin to feel valuable. And when you feel valuable, you are attractive.

22. Appreciate and acknowledge.
Seeing the best in others brings out their best. You become a very attractive person when you appreciate and acknowledge others, because you bring the best out in people.

23. Surrender control.
Learn to flow with life. Learn to like difference, change, spontaneity and risk. The more you can flow, the more free you will feel. And feeling free will make you shine.

24. Welcome interdependence.
Independence is overvalued--and it renders you unable to truly connect with another human being. To love someone is to depend on that person. Yes, it is a risk. But without taking that risk, you will never know love.

25. Get everything you want.
Go for everything you want in life and don't let fear stop you. Your persistent desires call you to your true self. The more you follow that call, the more genuine, self-expressed and authentic you are. And the more authentic you are, the more you stand out, the more you attract.

26. Never settle.
Never settle, especially in a relationship. This does not mean you have to find the "perfect" man or woman. It means you become willing to honor your wants and needs. Honor them to the extent that having them met becomes a condition for having a relationship. And be willing to let go of a relationship when your most important needs have no hope of being met.

27. Contribute to others.
Make a difference in the world -- feed your soul and your humanity. This ignites an unmistakably attractive light.

28. Get involved.
Expand your community, not simply to meet a mate but to be connected, to participate, to belong. As a bonus, you will probably meet your ideal mate this way.

29. Grow yourself.
Develop your capacity for introspection, for feelings, for creativity and spontaneity, for love, for trust. The more you grow yourself the more you will know about attracting and building a relationship to last a lifetime.

30. Take action.
Some people never take action because they are afraid or unsure about the outcome. Some live in their dreams of the future, but neglect to take steps toward that future, leaving it unborn. The only way to have a life you love and a relationship you adore is to take steps to make it happen. Everything you do or don't do now impacts your future.

Here are some more principles of being a love magnet from our readers:

1. Take it Easy!
   Be relaxed about life in general, and in particular dating. A date is only a moment in time and not some huge, important, stressful event. If you relax and have fun you will probably have a better time in life and on a date, and probably be more likely to get asked out on another one (if *you* decide you want another one!)
   ~Anonymous

2. Treat yourself as you want a partner to treat you. Say "I love you" in the mirror while gazing into your own eyes, tell yourself how beautiful and magnificent you are, buy yourself flowers and gifts, prepare an elegant candlelit dinner and enjoy it by yourself, give yourself a foot massage, write yourself love notes and emails. Treat yourself as the lovable, desirable person you are and you will attract that energy into your life.
   ~Donna, Newton, MA

3. Be confident and complete as an individual.
   Do not depend upon another person to make you whole. If another person does not meet your standards, do not make excuses for them just so you have "somebody" in your life. Never accept less than what you are worth. And never stop working to make yourself a better, more beautiful person -- on the inside, where it really counts. That beauty will glow forever, inside and out.
   ~Jan

4. Exorcise past relationships from your psyche. A part of us can unconsciously get hung up in the fear that the past WILL repeat itself in any future relationship. Deep down we really don't believe there's a compatible mate out there for us. The wound of a past marriage/relationship is like a dusty, unkempt, abandoned house that still occupies space in our psyche but is not paying any rent. We have to reprogram our self by starting to: a) accept that "yes I'm still wounded/fearful...and NEVERTHELESS b) the story CAN change and I can be in a fulfilling relationship, a compatible mate will show up anyhow. Yes!
   ~Anonymous

5. Believe in magic, in surprises, just a little. Use your "i-magic-nation" to imagine yourself in a fulfilling relationship with a compatible mate. Feel it, delight in it and let yourself be surprised by the universe.
   ~Florence, Newburyport, MA

6. There are only two underlying emotions: love and fear. Love is attractive. Fear is not. Do those things for which you have passion. Let your passion for life express itself. Someone who is excited about his or her activities is very appealing. Passion--for anything--is magnetic. It is said that small people talk about other people, average people talk about events, and great-minded people talk about ideas. Gossip is not attractive. Stimulating conversation is. Intelligence and creativity are appealing. Don't hide your talent. Gentleness and assertiveness are not weakness. Someone who can be assertive yet kind is extremely magnetic. Be willing to admit a mistake, open to changing your mind, and reasonable about giving credence to the ideas of others. If you'd "rather be right" at any cost, you will more than likely be alone. Don't take everything so seriously. Fun is contagious...and irresistible! Being a good listener is one of the most important parts of attracting a good partner. You don't have to "fix" it. You just need to honor someone's thoughts and feelings by paying attention. Quiet, complete attention lets someone know you care and makes him feel loved. People like people who like them.
   ~SanDancer

7. Attention -- quality attention to those around us; staying curious in that we are all changing all of the time. Really looking at what someone else wants at a core level, what enlivens them, and how can you get them what they want.

   Affection -- this is kindness personified. How can you really provide either physical affection -- a nice hug, warm handshake, smile, wink, nudge, or more of supportive affection with words and deeds.

   Acknowledgement -- this is saying what's so. It's about the behavior and what worked. When you brought me that cup of coffee, it really made my day! When you provided me that report, it really made the boss very happy! Good job!
   ~Patty Walters

8. I find that setting goals and working towards them one step at a time is important in establishing a relationship. I believe that identifying who I am, who I am looking for, staying focused, and taking action are important to creating the ideal relationship.
   ~Anon

9. I would like to add that individuals need to manage their expectations for the soulmate search process. You must know yourself and your needs. And you must not wear your heart on your sleeve and blindly hope that everyone out there is a wonderful person for you. You have to determine if an individual is capable of meeting your needs - and this is more so than getting them to like you.
   ~Judy

10. Forgiveness: I think the secret of a long-term relationship is the ability to understand "how important is it?" and forgive the little things that are not. I'm not saying anyone should accept unacceptable behavior. People are just people and forgiveness can sure bond two people together. Forgiveness means sorting out the feelings, expressing them to your partner, receiving feedback, accepting your own responsibility and then putting it away.
    ~Lenora