Guys Just Want Me for Sex
Dear Philippa,
I have no problem meeting men. I am considered pretty with a great
personality. But within hours of meeting guys they want to jump right
into bed with me. How can I get them to like me for my personality not
just the sex?
—Heather, Erie, PA
Dear Heather,
I'm smiling at your question because as my dear husband frequently
reminds me, men are driven by the hormone testosterone. It's
absolutely normal for them to pursue women for sex. Men are also
visual beings; their brains are wired that way. And you don't even
have to dress like "Sex in the City" to attract men interested in sex.
And it doesn't have to do with being pretty either. Sensuality is a
quality found in women who are comfortable with their own sexuality.
Does this describe you?
Of course men, just like women, want someone they can enjoy on
other levels too. Which brings me to your desire to be appreciated for
your personality. My question is why do the men that you meet feel
they can jump into bed with you right away? In other words, what kind
of guys are you meeting and how old are they? And where are you
meeting these men? Dance places and bars are going to attract people
with a different agenda than those found at a volunteer activity,
adventure club, or church social event.
Even if pursuing sex is at the top of a guy's agenda, a smart man
will show interest in other aspects of a woman, especially if the
woman believes that she is of value beyond just her sexual charms.
That's the kicker here, Heather. Could it be that somehow you are
sending a message, probably unconsciously, that you expect men to hit
on you right a way? If so, then you are inadvertently sending out a
strong signal to attract the very men you don't want to meet.
Are you making it clear that you value yourself and expect men to
value you too? That doesn't mean you have to join the convent or dress
like a nun. But if you enjoy an active sex life and like feeling sexy
in your clothes then its not surprising that men pick up those
signals.
We all send signals. They are invisible signs that are strong as
blinking neon to most of the guys you meet. What do you want your sign
to say? Maybe something like, "I am a very special woman with many
great qualities that only the right men recognize."
Sexual attraction is a normal healthy human trait. Many men pursue
women to have sex, but they develop relationships with women because
they appreciate the many other qualities they have. Your personality
is of value to men. You just have to be around the right men, in the
right setting, and most importantly you need to send out the right
signals.
—Philippa
Philippa Courtney
