ONE POWERFUL TECHNIQUE FOR OVERCOMING
THE FEAR OF REJECTION

Dear Doc Love, 

I met this girl a few weeks back while interviewing people to fill a job position that we had open where I work.  (I'm an administrator at a small business college. I do the interviewing but I don't make the final decisions on who gets hired.)

I have to tell you that this girl seemed so perfect for me. I could tell she was taking interest in me by the way she was staring into my eyes, but I was just way too scared to even ask her out. I guess the last time I even asked a girl out was four or five months ago. I've just felt kind of frozen. The way my schedule is, I don't often meet any women in my daily life.

This girl came back a second time for another interview with my boss, but I was too nervous again, and I only barely said hello to her although she gave me a warm smile. Is there any way I can recover from this and give this another shot? I really think this girl is right for me. I would really appreciate any advice.

Elliot – who needs to get his courage up

Hold your horses and cool your jets, Sonny Boy. We don't know if your potential new co-worker was giving you that sparkly-eyed look because she was attracted to you, or, because she was turning on the charm so you'd give her the job (or both.) Although it's more likely that she was more interested in the job than in you. That's the way the odds play out in the land of reality.

But whatever the truth was, when you're on the job you're not there to be hitting on the pretty girls who come in for interviews. You were there, in this case, to find the best person for the position that was open. So it's good that you didn't come on to this girl. You don't want to be jeopardizing your own job. But, at the same time it's not good that you were afraid to ask her out. You understand the distinction?

When and if you should get involved with someone at your work is always a tough call. There are no hard and fast rules. There are guys who have been sued and raked over the coals for even complimenting a female co-worker. And, there are plenty of examples of men who met the love of their life at the office.

In your case, Elliot, it's apparent that you don't have the confidence, the cool or the clarity to handle such a delicate situation. I don't even want you to be thinking about asking this particular girl out. You're not ready yet.

"The System" tells us that one of the qualities that women value most in a man is confidence. If you're not confident with women, which you're obviously not, Elliot, then you must put yourself on a confidence-building program. How is that done? Here's the secret: (It's actually a lot easier than you might think.)

Determine the highest level of beauty that a woman can have and still not engender one bit of nervousness or trepidation in you when you contemplate approaching her and talking to her. So, for instance, if you still get the heebie jeebies at the thought of approaching a 7, take it down a couple notches to the 5's who never make you uncomfortable at all. Then, whenever you are out and about in public, say "hello" to and strike up a conversation with every woman that you encounter who is, in one way or another, a 5 or less in your eyes.

Talk to women of all ages. Talk to mothers with their kids. Talk to grandmothers you encounter at the produce section in the market. Ask them what the difference is between a sweet potato and a yam. Laugh and joke with the plain Jane who works at the bank who just isn't quite pretty enough for you to be romantically interested in. But only talk to women who you are 100% comfortable with.

You see, if you spend most of your life hardly ever approaching and talking to any females at all, it's pretty tough to suddenly ask a girl out that you've just met, particularly a rather attractive one. But the more you practice interacting with females on a daily basis, the easier it gets to connect with the ones you like.

The low 7, who used to make you slightly nervous, now begins to feel like just another one of the gals who you regularly chat with. Then, once you achieve comfort and confidence with the low 7's, step up to the mid and high 7's. The trick is to crank up the risk factor very, very slowly, so slowly that your subconscious never perceives that there is anything to fear.

If you follow my instructions, Elliot, you will slowly but surely gain the comfort and confidence you need in order to be successful with women. You will no longer have to be tormenting yourself about how you failed to 'close' when you knew that you should have. And you won't be complaining that you don't meet any women. There are women everywhere you go, aren't there? Smile and say hello. Start with the ones you have no attraction to, that's easy.

But, in order for this method to work, you have to be truly committed to practicing every day. It won't work if you merely do it in a half-assed way. Read my instructions over several times and make the commitment to do whatever it takes to have a real breakthrough for yourself.

Then, when the next potential soul mate crosses your path, it will be no big deal to say to her, "Missy, I'd like to take you out. What's your home phone number?" Just avoid using work as your only resource for meeting women. Get out there on the "street" and start relating to the abundance of women who are everywhere else.

Remember, guys: don't bite off more than you can chew. 

- Doc Love